Sunday, September 11, 2011

dying is dumb

I was talking to one of my fellow widows the other day and she told me she thinks dying is dumb. I couldn't agree more, dying is dumb.

My husband passed away almost two years ago and now I pretty much hate my life since he died. I wish I didn't, I really do, but the fact remains, I hate my life. Not that my life was perfect before he died, it wasn't, but it was better than it is now. We had been married just under 17 years and had dated for a year before that, so we're talking 18 years together. Not to mention that we met in 8th grade. I pretty much have known him my whole life. And now? He's gone. Just like that. I went to work one morning and when I got home he was dead. Just like that. No warning. He wasn't sick. Just some freak accident and my life is left in ruins. No special goodbye, nothing. Just me trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered existance. Did I mention I have three kids? Yep, I do. Three. At the time he died, my oldest son was 16, my next son was 13 and my daughter was 10. Single motherhood, here I come. Yay me, not.

Since then, my oldest son, when he was just 17, got his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant. (The baby has been born and has been adopted by a wonderful young couple unable to have their own kids), I quit my job, started college, got a stake calling, got a new job, sent my oldest off to college and now I just found out I might lose my job. Yay me, not.

I really kinda hate my life

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